Sunday, July 29, 2018

On my brain's recent vacation to the world of Cosmology

When I thought of the above title for this post just now, it seemed a somewhat clumsily inadequate metaphor, but now as I think more about it, I have always associated my vacations and holidays with a broadening or rebirth in perspective and a resulting eagerness to learn more and that is exactly what this last week has been for me so I think I'll run with it.

A few months ago, a friend of mine lent me two books, both of which I somewhat hurriedly finally consumed in the last week because she asked for them to be returned for other friends to read. I'll ignore my regretful complacence in not reading them sooner and as it happened, I was (now in my opinion, quite fortuitously) able to finish both before finally returning them to her last week. 

Both books were fascinating beyond measure and allowed me to go on the journey from the intricacies of the Cosmos all the way right down to the complex ecosystem of the Gut. I adore the fact that the mind has such capacity for travel across such different worlds and on that concept alone, I imagine I could write a whole other post, although for now I've decided to narrow it down to the first book and its ongoing and wonderful aftermath - Astrophysics for People in a Hurry by Neil deGrasse Tyson

This is an incredible book about a subject I've always loved. The Universe and all its mysteries have always fascinated me on countless levels - the sheer size of this mysterious entity in which I somehow reside, the scale of such a thing in reference to Earth which in itself is a mass of histories, concepts, beings, and everything we could possibly imagine and more; the billions of galaxies and billions more celestial bodies and objects that reside within it; the composition, evolution and sheer beauty of all those objects; the capacity to see, observe and learn from them all... I could really go on, but ultimately, it is an area that I and millions of children before me have always looked upon with such awe and interest.

Incredibly, I just remembered one of my favourite literary encounters as a kid. There is an Aussie book called My Place in Space by Robin Hirst and Sally Hirst. In it, a little boy and his sister are catching the bus home and when asked by the driver where they live, the boy says, 'Home.' When the driver mocks him for not providing an address, the boy then proceeds to give the most epic address ever. 

Ok, I've now literally just re-looked up the book  and purchased it on my phone and am in the process of re-reading it. The edition I've found is an updated edition which now includes Pluto's change in status from a planet so thankfully the book is still accurate and only goes to show the continuing evolution of our scientific knowledge. Another update I've noticed that I think I have correctly remembered, is that now Henry and his sister both contribute to the address where previously it was just Henry talking while his little sister sort of just did funny things behind him. It reads a tad clunkier if you remember the original, but is a nice change, particularly if it does encourage more little girls to feel less left out by notions of Astronomy. 

Returning from that brief but fun detour into one of the likely roots of my personal interest in space (mind travel is awesome, no?), I've since read a fair amount about astronomy and astrophysics. I took an Astronomy Gen Ed course at uni, I've read books, I've watched documentaries and read tons of articles, however as years have passed, my overall retention of information has been pretty poor because despite being an area of intense interest, it has been far from one of any real personal focus. When I get to read about, I read about it, that's it. I have had to live life, work and of course focus on things of more importance than my own wish to broaden my cosmic understanding. 

Then about two years ago, a friend of mine introduced me to the star gazing app on her phone. It hadn't yet occurred to me to search for an app to let me do this and it was awesome. That evening, we sat on top of her Coogee rooftop and looked at the stars and planets in a way I hadn't really done since my Gen Ed observation nights. Unfortunately, at the time, I didn't have enough space on my phone so when I downloaded the app, it kept crashing and I ended up having to delete it. It wasn't until April of last year when another friend mentioned his own app whilst telling my friends and I that Jupiter would be visible that I attempted to download the app again, this time on my newer phone. Since then, I've used the app and enjoyed the added convenience of getting to engage more with the Night Sky and more particularly in the last few months since I've begun taking more photos of the various planets on my phone. 

In the wake of this recent resurgence of engagement and interest, reading deGrasse Tyson's book has been one of the most enjoyable things I've done this year. That is not an overstatement. I loved it so much. He takes the reader through the fundamentals and the history and he did so in a way I found so surprisingly comprehensible after other books have left me completely dumb and overwhelmed by how little I understand and how much more I have to learn to simply understand a sentence. Don't get me wrong, I still had a few moments like that while I was reading the book, but overall, I found each page fascinating and found that it all made some form of logical sense to me from one concept to the next. While taking me along the cosmological journey through time, space and theory, it explained concepts that I had previously held vague ideas about, like neutrinos and the lengths and functions of the different waves. It re-introduced me to planetary trivia that I'd long forgotten, like Jupiter's vital role as our protective Big Brother. It allowed me to finally get jokes I'd heard on TV about spherical chickens in a vacuum (frankly, this book made so many Big Bang Theory references suddenly make worlds more sense!) and it gave me insight into everyday things I knew existed, but hadn't fully understood, like the fact that InfraRed and UltraViolet were the bookends to ROYGBIV. Reading this book was the most fun I've had in a long time while learning so much. 

This, combined with my most recent shift in overall life objectives and plans, particularly around reading much more and writing much more, left me with a brain thrilled and primed to find out more, to fill in the gaps that the book could not possibly cover if it were to be aimed at 'people in a hurry'. One of the most fascinating points he makes in the book is how much everything we learn only leads to more questions and more debates between the experts in the field, highlighting that science isn't so much filled with indisputable facts as is so often over-simplistically touted, but rather a field rich with ongoing theories, tests, findings, analyses, questions and debates and constantly reminding us of what we know and don't know. 

Due to my literally being 'in a hurry' to finish this book and the other lent to me, I moved on to the world of the Gut straight after, but having finished that the day I finally returned both books, I have looked up more reading and decided to delve into an area that would make sense for me to look into considering my own personal beliefs, the relationship between Cosmology and Theology. I ended up on this excellent page in the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy by Hans Halvorson, a professor from Princeton. Brilliant read leaving many papers to read in its wake, I highly recommend it. It does an awesome job of laying out the historical cosmological models and the various arguments put forth by many of the field's minds, past and present, regarding these models' relationships to the notions of theism and atheism. Again, a cornucopia of debate and insight (often leading me to turn to Google for some of the concepts that once again baffled me!) that again highlights that concepts that have been widely accepted are still being challenged, like the Big Bang, which is challenged by both Loop Quantum Cosmology and String Theory. Of course, even taking the Big Bang as the prevailing model, interpretations of its either confirming or not confirming the existence of an omnipotent creator also vary and the debates go on. 

The more I read, the more I want to read, and so I shall. I'm charging myself with a lot here, but my brain is enjoying every second of it and only feels more energised by its sojourn into the astrophysical world to fill its existing knowledge gaps by embarking on a better acquaintance with the basics of Physics. Youtube has proven a fun start considering visual demonstrations of motion and force better aid my physical and spatial comprehension. When I got home last night, after getting briefly distracted by a TED Talk on Organic Chemistry, I ended up on the Crash Course about motion in a straight line. Then this morning, I ended up going on a fun journey through the principles of flight, Bernouli's Principle and existing questions around that principle, Newton's Third Law of Motion, the means for travel into space and ultimately ending on a thought experiment about removing the existence of Time (not the man-made measurements of time, mind, rather the sequential nature of events). For just this Sunday morning alone (worthy of a whole post in and of itself, which I fully intend to start after I take a break), I'm grateful to Mr deGrasse Tyson and to my friend for lending me his words in the first place. 

I'll end this post with another video I watched this morning of the man himself on the Late Show with Colbert. 



His energy is infectious and his final point is a really good one, but admittedly, it's not one that will keep me up at night so much as it just reminds me that as much as we can know, there will always be something else, something new, something missed and while that can be disheartening for some, I see it as simply a statement of reality. Our limitations will always exist and we will only ever be able to grasp what little we can but what we have grasped thus far is endlessly fascinating and always will be and therefore provides only more motivation to keep searching, learning and shifting what we need to shift - just as we did when we found out the Earth was round, when Germ Theory was discovered, when we learned that the Universe was expanding as opposed to being in a steady state, when we learned about subatomic particles, when we learned that Pluto wasn't actually a planet... and basically every other time paradigms shifted. On personal, individual scales, we often find we have to do this all the time and while I couldn't possibly begin to have deGrasse Tyson's level of perspective on the matter, I tend to find that what we understand about our more visible, more immediate world constantly shifts and I keep having to incorporate that understanding into my perspective and any resulting attempt at a worldview. I've undergone countless 'paradigm shifts' in my own character and I know this will only continue with time and experience and I have faith that those entrusted with the search of these bigger answers will have the capacity to survive and learn as they have always done. 

This is why I love science and this is why I love life. 

Sunday, July 22, 2018

Another attempt at putting together pieces of the neverending puzzle...

There are a lot of topics rolling around in my head and I want to construct cogent pieces or essays around them. I also know that if I look this stuff up, I’ll find other people trying to do and say the same.
The world is weirdly deceptive in that way. You’re surrounded by particular voices, narratives and opinions and how you can even think you have a glimpse of a global truth seems oddly arrogant considering how much your own world, your own ears and eyes are missing. That’s how I see the world, and that’s why I sit where I sit and see the fence as the only logical place. It doesn’t mean I don’t stand for anything, what it means is I stand for ensuring I have all the right information, or as much of it as I can possibly get, before I make up my mind and doing so aware of the fact that I’m not only surrounded by bias, but that I carry so much of my own.
And besides, it’s not like I don’t stand for anything, I'm clearly just as opinionated as the next person about a lot of things and I know where I stand on a number of the most 'controversial' issues, but I do so without pretending that other intelligent and logical human beings haven't reached their opposing stances with valid reason and experience. Therefore while I am tempted by sheer temper to get mad and get confused and flabbergasted by these opposing opinions, I know I have to understand that they think the way they do for a reason and what I want to do is find those reasons.
Writing is such a funny thing. Before I got onto this, I was already afraid of having to construct arguments about some of the topics I mentioned above and ended up here. A place that makes a lot more sense to me.
Saying that, I don’t want to relinquish myself of the responsibility to write out cogent arguments and I need to do that.
I am completely sick of being presented by a world that is determined not to listen. That sees it as their right not to listen.
I say being presented because I know once again, that I’m only seeing and hearing certain voices, not all the voices, and I don’t trust the overall picture I’m receiving of what people really think in the world. For every voiced opinion, there are millions of opinions that were withheld, kept quiet, not given a platform.
Facebook, for example. I know that there must be countless others like me who never comment on anything. And yet, there are so many comments available to deconstruct and it’s hard not to wonder if it’s only a particular type of personality that would make comments on such a public forum where everyone can see what they have to say. If only a particular type of person would get involved in public argument. If that means that all those people of a different type aren’t getting visibly represented in Facebook commentary, which, let’s face it, is an enormous beast of a world. Without that visible representation on the forum, it’s easy to think the world must in reality only look a certain way.
But this only then makes it important to remember that the online world has never, ever been a reliable representation of reality or real discussion or interaction. The words millions would happily say from the safety of their own homes and without having to face someone in the flesh, are so often not the words that would come out were they right in front of their friend, colleague, acquaintance, stranger.
The more I write, the more I’m tempted to say I can’t possibly know the world. I mean, there are so many things I’ve encountered on there that people in real life have never heard of, like the Cotton Ceiling, Gamergate or the endless drama of the Youtube world, just to name a few.
But at the same time, I have to face the reality I am seeing, and that the words that have been said online, have been said. They exist. They represent and reveal the truths they reveal. About the people who said them, about the likely background of that person, about the community and environment in which the words were written (not spoken).
There is knowledge and wisdom to be gleaned from that reality, that aspect of reality, however virtual it appears.
And so I am back to where I started.
I can only use that information which I have been given and that which I can clearly see. I must use it and I must learn from it and I must continue the never-ending excavation. I just have to remember that what I see and hear comes with limits. And that that those limits mean that I must never allow myself to be discouraged, hurt or heartbroken by a seemingly horrible world that may or may not even exist.

Saturday, July 07, 2018

Why I Write

Writing, particularly personal writing, is often looked at in the same way prayer can be by those who don’t believe – seemingly pointless, ineffective and a waste of time, unless the results are clear and obvious for all to see.
And the error in that thinking applies to both. The way in which the real power of either doesn’t usually come about in blockbuster style miracles, but more often gradually manifests in the ordinary, subtle and more nuanced changes to the person who then further, and with just as much nuance, manifests change, simple and powerful, in their surrounding world.
Never, ever, underestimate the power of either or how often they actually collide.

This time last year...

I began to write the below late last July as the problems with my health were becoming more complicated. It was simply a walk, but it ended up being a real oasis-like moment of joy amidst the continuing barrage of difficulty that had thus far clouded the year. 
Looking back on it now, I'm just really, really glad that the health has pretty much done a 180 from this time last year, current flu notwithstanding. I don't know what the state of things will be this time next year, particularly once I come off the last of the immunosuppressants, but I'll damn well take what I've got - just like I took that night at a time when I really needed it. 
***
'Last night, I went for a walk from Pyrmont to Glebe.
I had just said farewell to a friend who would soon be returning to the UK and I walked along Harbourside on this quiet Wednesday night, finding it unexpectedly pleasant. Approaching the water, I realised for the first time that the South Steyne had disappeared and I ended up pausing to ask Insta where it had gone. That quick pic posted, I continued past the now empty spot on the water and could see that some restaurants and bars were still open meaning a pleasant hum of activity hung about the harbour. Tourists still milled about the food court and the Watershed was still abuzz with mid-weeknight drinkers as I walked against the cold wind and felt it numb the itchy, burning skin on my face.
Feeling the chilly air fan my face, I suddenly felt open for the first time in months, as though I was once again in a different city and enjoying the freedom of being away and exploring. It was a happily surprising sensation considering the stampeding health issues that, as of the last eight months or so, had made me feel less and less confident about a number of things, like being outdoors unless I absolutely had to or even looking people in the face. 
Then again, it was this latest problem that led to my getting to have this evening in the first place. 11pm on a Wednesday night is a fairly odd stroll time for someone who would under normal circumstances need to be at work on time the next day, however I had my first appointment in years with a derma and it wasn't till mid-afternoon so I was in no rush to get home. I had just done the walk from Glebe to Pyrmont with my friend and my ride home wasn’t ready for another hour, so I was free to stroll.
It was lovely. Due to the constant cycle of illness and recovery at the time, my most prominent state of being was severely anxious fatigue (for which I had begun to seek professional help), the complete opposite of this quiet exhilaration that seemed to grow as the night went on. I was loving gazing up at the city skyline, striding past the water and the bars and the other people, locals and tourists alike. As I made my way towards Tumbalong, allowing myself to actually take in the new Convention Centre for the first time, I admired its clean lines and scattered lights. It seemed like everything felt new and that was delightful.
I continued through the rest of Darling Quarter before gearing towards Chinatown. Thus far, it had been quiet without being too empty for a late night walking solo, lending the night an air of tranquility I don't normally associate with the city. I strolled through Chinatown, which was still lit up and comfortably busy, and eventually moved onto George St to begin the final length up to Broadway. Along the way, I made a few attempts to take pictures and as a result, I've some hopelessly hazy shots to remember the evening by.
The whole time, my skin was still burning and itching away, just like it's doing right now, and I was still grateful that the dimness of the evening meant it wasn't as painfully obvious to all and sundry as I felt it would have been in the daylight.
But despite all that, I felt more like myself than I'd felt in months. I felt freer than I had in months. The evening had inadvertently transformed into a much needed reminder that all the things going wrong hadn't erased my capacity to feel like this. To feel like I could still be outdoors (albeit at night) and still explore and still enjoy things like this newfound tranquility in the midst of a city that, much as I loved it, too often felt like a constant stampede of people.  
It was a nice realisation.'