Am I a Feminist?

My entry is late this week, albeit to a phantom deadline, but a deadline all the same. Although I can honestly say that this time around, it hasn't been out of sheer neglect or laziness. Since my last entry, I've had some difficulty trying to elucidate what I'm actually doing here and though the odd topics have definitely dipped into the periphery of my mind and rippled some mental (and at times, emotional) stirrings, none have actually felt like they belong here. While I didn't want an entry-empty week, I have also been resistant to the notion of just putting up any damn thing, just to have something up.

Hopefully what's below counts as more than just any damn thing.

Anyway, back on topic...

Am I a Feminist?

The question has (indirectly) been channeled to me by two people this last week, both whom I greatly admire and whom I recommend everyone watch (obliging links to videos below):

RE: Feminism (REQUEST) via hitRECord on YouTube:

'What does that word, feminism, mean to you?'

Yet another reason I love this guy. Aside from his amazing acting, his incredible creativity and artistic openness, his genuine interest in what people really think about things, whether or not he agrees with them, is plainly obvious whenever he releases these videos. As I've said countless times, I respect the respectful, regardless of their location on the belief spectrum and after following his work for years (and also ascertaining that we are certainly on opposite ends of certain beliefs), I honestly believe that JGL is a sincere and respectful guy who just wants more people to speak, more voices to be heard... and wants to listen. 

I actually plan to contribute to this REQUEST, alongside a few others (Yes, my profile, she finally exists!).

Are you RECording?

Emma Watson at the HeForShe 2014 Campaign - Official UN Video via The UN on YouTube:

'If not me, who? If not now, when?' - a question I should ask myself far more often about far more things.

What a beautiful young woman Emma Watson has become! Sure her voice shook at times, but considering her purpose, her audience and the sheer scope of what she was likely hoping to achieve, she still maintained that poise she's so masterfully developed over the years. She's bright, educated, articulate and clearly passionate and goodness knows we definitely need more people like that in the world; people who want to make a difference. I applaud her getting up there to speak because no matter who you are, that takes guts that most people would never bother to gather in a lifetime, yes, myself included.

Anyway... 

I've personally always had a difficult relationship with the term. When I was a child, it seemed uncomplicated enough. While I wasn't one to shy away from stereotypes - boys like playing with toy cars and trucks; girls loved their barbies, that sort of thing - I always believed that a girl should be able to do what the boys could. If she wanted to play sports with them, then she should. If she wanted to climb trees with them, then she should. To disallow this just because she was a girl was unfair (a favourite childhood term). Then a more adult perspective crept in after watching Mary Poppins for the first time and listening to Mrs Banks sing 'Sister Suffragette'. Votes for women! But of course! Why on earth should we be deprived of such a thing? The notion, if not the term, of feminism hit me then and I eagerly identified with it.

Then as I got older, I was introduced to the concept of the more she-woman man-haters club variety of feminist who even seemed to hate the notion of femininity itself. Women who scorned wives, housewives and mothers and seemed to look down on anyone whom they saw 'depended' on any male. Here I began to have reservations about the whole idea of feminism and eventually began to distance myself from it. I believed in equal rights for women and I admired and stood by the achievements of those who had laid the foundations for me to live the life I get to live now as a woman - but I had zero interest in flagrantly disparaging men or the women who supported them. I allow that this perception, sewn haphazardly together from a patchwork of negative experiences, was hardly a fair representation of all those who identified themselves as feminists and what they were fighting to achieve. However it was my perception for a very long time, sadly reinforced by bitter rants about 'patriarchal domination' and how all men are 'rapists'.

It's only in recent years that I feel I've drifted back to it again, although still not fully. From my experience, a very potent aspect of what I believe seems to, in some circles, lock me outside of the arena of being pro-woman and that is my anti-abortion stance (pro-life isn't a term I love - euphemistic, afraid of the word, 'anti', a glosser in a topic that calls for honesty. And while I don't want to assume pending judgement for my belief, please ask me why beforehand). Aside from that, however, minus the bitter extremes, I believe that although we aren't necessarily the same as men, we are equal as human beings and have the right to opportunity regardless of sex. We most certainly have the right to be paid the same as a man if indeed WE ARE DOING THE SAME WORK. And while I think that it is a much, much larger issue that society has historically treated women the way it has and treats both men and women the way it does now, I do hope that one day a woman can be her actual self - whether she be assertive, dominating or submissive - in the workplace, in sport, in the public, in her life, without being accused of betraying or misrepresenting her sex.

These are just a few bare examples, but I feel much more at home outlining them outright than I do labelling myself in order to find a definition that wholly encompasses who I am and what I stand for. No such label exists and I'm in no rush to cling to one anyway or use one to pigeonhole anyone else. Feminists of all varieties exist in the world and while I suppose I belong to one branch or another, I am simply someone who believes that our sex should never be an excuse to ever place unnecessary or unjust limits upon anybody - man or woman. 

So many things to be excited about at the moment...

... not least of which is that the Panthers beat the Roosters yesterday in one of most insanely suspenseful games I've ever sat through in my life! It's been about a decade since my last obsessive ramblings about NRL but this was one to resurrect the sportsbabble. The game was quite close for the most part, but then the last 10 minutes were just emotionally - and in my case of chair-gripping, leaping and jumping about, physically - exhausting. This was even more evident when earlier today, my sister and I re-watched those final 10 minutes and we still ended up yelling ourselves hoarse and jumping about like Mexican beans once it ended.

Teams were tied, 12-12, as the game stumbled into the final minutes and each side attempted to go for the real points rather than just kick for the tiebreaker (which at the time, was infuriating me because I kept getting stressed every time the Roosters got possession and even began to come closer to their tryline or within any reasonable kicking distance. Embarrassingly enough, I let loose a few verbal gouges at Soward for not setting anyone, particularly Moylan, up for the kick. Soward, forgive me!). 

Then with just 6 minutes to go, the Roosters scored a try with Pearce running through a massive hole in the Panthers defence and grounding almost right next to the goal posts. They celebrated, the Penrith players looked dejected and I declared my burning desire to vomit (for the tenth time that game), while covering my eyes and assuming (much like many) that all was lost. A bare 5 minutes left in the game and an almost certain conversion about to make me actually vomit seemed to lock the sucker up and I was at the very least relieved that I was so very wrong to have written this game off as an easy loss to the Minor Premiers. It was a worthy game and the Panthers certainly hadn't taken any of it lying down. Such was my solace, particularly after I watched Maloney kick that damn ball between the goal posts in one of the easiest shots possible (oh, and drag ass doing so of course, attempt to run the clock out why don't you. Punk). 

Of course though, being the ever-hopeful creature that I am, I re-gripped my chair and carried on watching with the thinnest hopes of a last minute try. I was pretty much praying for a miracle - and it came in the form of Watene-Zelezniak. Barely 2 minutes to go, Soward sends a grubber hurtling towards the touch line, but then next thing you see Watene-Zelezniak fly up and whip it back into play and towards the tryline where Whare trip-steps, then dives and grounds... and I launch myself off of my chair yelling like a lunatic, along with the rest of my family who were also watching, including my sister up in Brissie who happened to be following the whole thing with us on Skype. We had to force ourselves to calm down for a few minutes while the Video Refs watched the replay over and over, but it was soon clear that all was above board and now we just needed Soward to kick like the marvelous motherfucker he is. 

And that's what he did, and without a hint of fear. Confident kick, beautiful conversion and resounding relief that now the ball was most definitely in our possession and the first opportunity to break the tie was with Penrith. Under a minute in the game left and though I felt bad for Jennings when he lost the ball for the Roosters, I yelled in utter glee like a real jerk, triumphant that the ball was back in our hands. We were all pretty flipped out at this point and the boys were trying to work their way down the field and I kept searching for Moylan or Soward and wondering how it was going to happen because they were still so far out, then with 15 seconds left, Soward gets the ball and kicks straight and low. The ball just clears the goal post and everyone in my house, the team, the Panthers fans at Allianz Stadium and likely all of Penrith, just lost. Their. Shit.  

As we were all pretty much off our heads at the time, it wasn't until the rewatch that we noticed how amidst the celebrations, Soward was still somewhat comically directing the guys back into position so they could finish the last 10 seconds of the game. Next thing you know, it's full time, game's done and we are all yelling, jumping up and down, getting mad kicks out of the replays and basically all round high. It was a fantastic game to watch and I envy the fans who were in the stadium for it. What a killer. The rest this weekend for the team is most definitely well deserved. Soward and Moylan in particular are my heroes.

I fucking love NRL. 

GO PANTHERS!!!

'You cannot have degrees of truth; truth is, by its very definition, absolute. We formulate an explanation that best explains our observations, but ultimately that explanation is either correct or it is not. In this case, the physicist would have something better supported than whatever the priest would say, but not '"more true". It may seem like a trivial distinction, but I assure you it is not.'

Can't damn well remember who wrote it (I had saved it in a memo on my phone and the names beside make no sense to me anymore - thanks Memory!), but the above is one of the reasons I trawl through forum debates and comments sections so doggedly - because among the rubble of inane opinions and attention-deprived trolls, you still often get frank, cogent and simply put gems - such as the one above, some sense in the din of banality - put forth by just some randoms on the internet.


*mumble* Although yes, sometimes those stupid fights that erupt are kinda fun to watch too... no surprise having had shitty reality TV around for a third of my life. 

Reading (and Re-Reading) List 2014

So, in terms of reading this year, while it's been a somewhat slow one, it's definitely been an improvement on many of those previous. Particularly lately, I feel like I've been pounding through quite a few reads in a short period of time and I'm loving it. I'm trying to figure out if I've forgotten anything, but as far as lists go, the one below will have to do. 

Particular recommendations? The Secret History (how did it take me so long to discover Donna Tartt? I should be ashamed), American Gods (long awaited read and well worth it), IT (have read this so many times and never get tired of it, one of my all time favourite books through and through), Man Without a Country (so, so, so amusing) and for some awesome gender contrast on relationship dissection, High Fidelity and Mad About The Boy. Both fun reads, both by highly entertaining and hilarious writers. 

Currently Reading:

Finished: 

Re-reads:

Attempted (e-copy and insanely dense prose justifying ogling little girls - or nymphettes - slowing me down): 

Favourite discovery: 

The 101 Things I Learned series - for the lazy wannabe student in us all:

I want to give the girl in this picture such a hug.

I want to tell her that, whether she can imagine it or not, the day will come where she won't have to wake up every morning and carefully pull the mask off of her face and then later have to cake on woolfat and cream before wrapping a bandanna around her head in order to face the world.

That one day, wet packs will have become such a thing of the past, that she won't even be able to remember the last time she had to wear them.

That over time, people will stop pulling themselves and their kids away from her and stop staring and asking her how or if she got 'burned'. That all those looks - pity, fear, confusion, disgust - will all eventually fade away into insignificance.

That one day, her swollen eyes and all those open, raw, pus filled rashes on her face and everywhere else will actually transform from raging monsters into either harmless scars or somewhat more manageable pests and that on even better days, they will go into hiding altogether.

That soon enough, it will have been 16 years and counting since her last hospital stay, a life starkly different to the days when the children's hospital was like her summer home.

That one day, she'll be able to eat more cookies and cakes than she ever dreamed of. Not to mention - chocolate. That's right, kiddo, chocolate will once again be a part of your life and not a poisonous one at that.

And after all of that, I want to thank her.

She is the reason that these days, I am often so pleasantly surprised by how normal the face gazing back in the mirror is and why whenever I find out I can eat something new, I genuinely feel like the luckiest person on the planet. She's also the source of an imagination that was strong enough to get through the hard times and broad enough to make the good times even better.

So thanks, even littler Jelynn, for living through all of that for me. I don't know how you did it, but you did. I'm an adult now and I can barely imagine living life the way you had to, although it occurs to me now that your childlike outlook was a big part of that survival. I know that it was awful for you a huge chunk of the time and I know that all you wanted was to feel some semblance of normalcy, during the good times and the bad and that this desire only made life seem tougher than it really was. Thank you for getting through it all and thus allowing me to live the much kinder life I live now. Life certainly keeps lobbing those curve balls but I wouldn't have the cajones to bat those suckers away if it weren't for you.

Somehow I hope you can hear me and feel my bear hug travelling across the 24 year long chasm running all the way back to good ol' 1990.

Love you, kid.